everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
