The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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