i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
