If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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