I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
