WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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