i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
