He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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