So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
