On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
