literally had 100 drinks last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's the barista slut.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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