yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
