I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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