she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
