Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
