I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
