we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
