She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
