I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
