I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
