i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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