Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
