I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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