i can't believe i had my finger in that
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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