That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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