Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
cat food counts as protein by the way
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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