R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
