We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
