There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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