Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize