Swine flu. Run for my life!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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