ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize