i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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