I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's the barista slut.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
