There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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