you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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