i think my mom watched the whole time
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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