I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
