He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
