I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
