omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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