1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
