Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
