I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
