Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
