I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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