We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
