if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
And then he peed in my hair
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