I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
