Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
