and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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