I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
