I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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