That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize