I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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