So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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