She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
