i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
