he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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