Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
