my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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