Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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