i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
