Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
