I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
