I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
