what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bring me that man meat
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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