I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
