I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We named our party play list daddy issues
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
