1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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