I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i think i just lost a toe
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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