The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
