he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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