yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
