I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
