in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize