I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
