He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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