JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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