Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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