thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
