I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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