i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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