Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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