I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
