you traded sex for a burrito?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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