so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize