I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
