my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
