There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
