A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
