i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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