I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Found your dick twin last night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
