I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
