I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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