The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
