the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
