You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
