My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
